Destroyer, Savior
by Alantie Mistaniu
Summary: How I prayed this day would never come. I know even before I turn to look at Serenity what she is going to ask of me, what I've hoped would never be needed." Only Hotaru, Soldier of Destruction can prevent evil from ruling the universe. But what will the


Destroyer, Savior

Disclaimer: Don't own Sailor Moon

A/N: This is the first Sailor Moon fic I've written for a long time, so please be gentle with the reviews. This is what might occur if even Serena wasn't able to save the world and would have to turn to Sailor Saturn for aid. Hope you all like it!

"Hotaru . . ."

How I prayed this day would never come. I know even before I turn to look at Serenity what she is going to ask of me, what I've hoped would never be needed. But I stand as tall as I am capable and show no fear as I turn to face my Queen. Perhaps . . . perhaps it is not what I think.

"Moon Queen" I replied in greeting, giving her a curtsy with the respect due to her rank. "It has been some time."

Even though we do not see each other as often as we would like, we are exceptionally close, something others do not seem to understand for they believe we are complete opposites. She is the light, I am the darkness. She is the crafter, I the destroyer. How could two with such different destinies be so similar? But, as Serenity has often told me, we are not so different from each other. 'After all,' she once said, 'there cannot be light without shadow. Shadows are merely followers of the light.'

"Indeed it has. I only wish . . ." She doesn't finish her sentence. Serenity's large sapphire eyes are filled with tears, and I sense her sorrow, never ending sorrow that creeps into my bones. "I need you to come with me as Sailor Saturn." She knows I will understand without her saying anything further.

My heart falls at once, and I know the horror must show on my youthful face. I wonder briefly how I appear to her and others I know. A slender teenage girl, rather short for my age with shoulder length black hair and large purple eyes is what I see in the mirror, but to them I suppose I'll always be something darker, even now that I am no longer possessed by evil. I've always found it ironic that my appearance reflects my destiny.

"Has it truly come to this my Queen" I ask quietly.

"I fear so" she answers in her gentle voice. "If all goes ill, you must be there to do what I cannot."

I turn from her briefly, fighting back the tears that spring to my eyes. I can already see the ruin; can already hear the silence of an empty world. Such images have haunted my dreams and waking hours for too long. It is always this way for me. Life and Death. Savior and Destroyer.

I feel Serenity place her hand on my shoulder. She knows what this does to me, perhaps better than anyone for she too has faced the same horrors. "I will not make you, if you do not wish to."

This hurts me worse than what she has asked me to do. I am the one who serves her, who is supposed to protect her from harm, not the other way around. Quickly I blot away my tears as I turn to face her once more. "No, I will do as you ask of me."

There is little more conversation exchanged between us as I prepare to leave with her. I do not like the silence, but I cannot think of anything to say. I will soon hear nothing but silence if it comes to me using my powers. I pray that it does not come to that.

We arrive at her palace on earth, where the other Scouts and King Endymion await us. Though their greetings are filled with warmth and friendship, I can see the grim, hopeless light in their eyes. I shudder at what it evokes in me, but I say nothing. Rini hugs me tightly, and I feel her fear before she draws away.

"Do you know why Mother has brought you" she asks fretfully. "Do you know what she's going to ask you to do"

Looking into her mahogany eyes, I feel as if I see my own inner turmoil reflected there, I see what my future will be. Yet I try to be cheerful for Rini's sake, though I have never been good at acting.

"I may not be needed" I tell her as I wrap an arm around her shoulders.

Though my words seem to have reassured her, they have done nothing for myself. After all, it is not they who will deal with the consequences. It is not they who must perform the act.

I sit with Rini, and she eventually falls asleep, her small head resting in my lap. Absentmindedly, I stroke her hair as I listen to the talk around me. Serenity leads the conversation, calmly talking about what will have to be done tomorrow. My mind begins to drift, back to when I first met her. It was Rini who first introduced us, truly in another life for me. Serenity was just a teenager then herself, but she accepted me from the beginning, even when the others were wary. When that awful darkness threatened to take control of me, some of the others though the only way to be rid of it was to destroy me, but Serenity argued that there had to be another way, to destroy the evil and to save me as well. She scarified so much to ensure my safety, and even though it was in vain, I will never forget what she tried to do for me.

I never know how much time passes until the time comes for the battle. It could have been merely a few hours, or months, but I do not know for certain. I watch as all my friends transform, better suited for a fight. Though the Queen continues to tell me that I still might not be needed, I am required to be with her. I too change myself, becoming the solemn silent shadow at Queen Serenity's side. I am Sailor Saturn, leader of the Outer Scouts.

As we walk outside, I clutch my glaive tightly, feeling more like the reaper of the dead than my Queen's guardian. In many ways, I know that this is who I am. Nothing can ever change that, not even when she calls me 'savior'. If to save a world means I have to destroy it, then maybe I am what she claims. But nevertheless, a voice within whispers that I am the slayer.

I never was told whom we did battle with that day, but I suppose I did not need to know. Less guilt lies on my conscience not knowing I guess. Serenity of course is always in the thick of battle, her blazing crystal held high. Never will anyone say that Serenity did not use all her options nor try her hardest.

I do my best to shield her from attacks she cannot block, standing strong as wind begins to blow. My Silence Wall is effective, keeping her safe from harm. At some point in the battle, I catch a glimpse of Sailor Pluto's face. Being the guardian of the gates of time, she already knows the outcome of this battle and I see in her eyes the future: this fight is futile.

Many enemies fall, but with them do friends and allies. It rips my heart apart to see Sailor Mars and Jupiter lying so very still as they hold each other tightly, but I have not the time to see if they live or not; my first duty is to the Queen.

She turns to me, and I know what she will say. Her own eyes are tear filled, but she knows, as I do, this is the only way. "Sailor Saturn, it is time."

More than anything, I wish that I dared to defy her order, but I cannot. I swallow hard; gripping the glaive so tightly it's a wonder it doesn't break in my grasp. I manage to nod, even as the first tears spills down my cheeks. I dare not speak to her as I turn to face the onslaught of evil. What is there to say?

I cast my gaze from Serenity, not wanting to have to see her face. It is better not to know what emotions will last flash though her eyes.

I tilt my head towards the heavens, glaive raised above my head, my eyes closing as I find the darkness within. When my blazing amethyst eyes open once, I am no longer the shy, timid creature who hangs in the shadows. I have become what I fear. I am the Destroyer.

My voice rings out clear and true as the trumpet at Judgment day, commanding all attention to me. Our foe realizes all too late that his attacks were directed at the wrong people. There is nothing he or his minions can do to escape this fate.

Nor, sadly, is there anything my friends can do to shield themselves. Destruction knows no friends.

The energy within me reaches its peak, and I bring my glaive downward in one swift motion, crying out words that speak of doom and death. The only solace I can find in this act is that I too will be no more. Amethyst light explodes over the earth, more than enough to swallow it whole. I stand in the center of the blast, tall and steady, but the tears sliding down my face betray my stoicism. I can only close my eyes and wait for it to end.

It seems like eternity until it does.

As the roar of my power fades, it is replaced by a sound I dread more than any other, even the screams of the dying. Silence.

As Destroyer, my task is done. Weeping silently, I finally open my eyes to face the result of my actions. As I do so, the silence and emptiness in my heart tells me that I am the only living creature left, much to my puzzlement. My lavender eyes sweep the barren landscape, resting upon both familiar faces and strangers, yet all the same: lifeless. I see Uranus and Neptune together, as is fitting, beneath a toppled pillar. Pluto herself is not far away, sprawled on the ground, still holding her key to time. Mercury is face down on the ground, hand clenched in a fist. Artemis, Luna, and Diana, all in human form, have fallen together beneath the rubble of a building. Mars lies in a pool of water, her face wet and expressionless while Jupiter is to her left, also drenched. Venus and- though it kills my heart to see it- Rini lay together. Venus's last act was to protect her Princess, though she could not do so.

I have not yet turned around, not wanting to see what I know I must. But somehow I summon the courage to do so, and the sight shreds what's left of my broken heart to ribbons. His Highness King Endymion had apparently been trying to reach her Majesty, but alas never made it to her side, collapsed on the dusty ground in a heap. Serenity, just as beautiful in death as in life, lies just behind me, and I know she died instantly and felt no pain. Yet I do.

It seems impossible that I can cry more, but I do. I drop to my knees, clutching my Queen's limp hand as I wail my sorrow to the empty world. "Why" I scream despairingly. "Why do I live while I have obliterated all who I hold dear? Why could I not die too" There is of course no reply except the mournful sigh of the wind.

This is the consequence of my actions. There will be no answers, no reasons for why I have the curse-or gift- I do. I do not know why I am still alive; my action should have cost me my life, yet I still breath, still feel. Time holds no meaning for me as I crouch beside Serenity, trying to find the peace she now has in death's slumber.

Yet my work is not done.

I rise yet again, taking up my glaive once more as I pivot. Moisture fills my amethyst eyes as I survey my surroundings again, but I blink it away; there is no more time for this, no time to think about what shall happen to me. There is only one last thing I can do for this world. I rationalize that I was spared for one last deed, one that will atone for my most recent one. Though I have never attempted something of this magnitude, I care little if it takes my life. What kind of existence do I have now to risk? Only one where I dwell alone. Loneliness is now too strange to me after having known light and laughter, friendship and love. I will not live without those again.

This time the power I summon is different, far gentler than the harsh blow of a Destroyer. It's gentle, caressing like a mother's touch. My voice this time is no longer a banishment of souls, but a voice to guide them back. I stand alone, arms spread wide, eyes closed, and head thrown back as I exert all my power into this one final task, knowing once it is completed, I shall at last be able to rest.

My strength drains from me like water as I fall to my knees in a shivering heap. It is done. I have no more energy to even remain kneeling and crumple to the ground. I sense movement, and know who it is even before I open my lavender eyes to meet pure crystalline blue. Tears once more sparkle in my weary eyes as I reach for my Queen, who has been the mother I never had. She embraces me as if I were indeed her own child, allowing me to sob against her chest as she gathers me into her arms. I hear the soft murmur of her voice; she understands.

Even as exhausted as I am, I hear enough of Serenity's words to realize that she used her Crystal to insure that I would survive to save everyone. My eyes must betray my surprise, for Serenity speaks once more.

"I failed to save you from your power once, did you truly think I would let it happen again" she asked gently, smiling even though her own eyes are filled with moisture.

I feel my lower lip trembles as fresh tears begin; never has anyone done so much for me as she has. My weary amethyst eyes manage to focus on the people who have joined us, relieved to see that all my friends are alive and well. King Endymion murmurs something along the lines of 'is she all right', and Serenity answers him softly, stroking my hair gently.

I relax, at last finding the peace and blissful unconsciousness that I have craved. My queen is a wise woman after all, I vaguely realize as I slip further into darkness. Perhaps I was not what I thought I was. No longer Destroyer, I think to myself as at last I am claimed by slumber. My last conscious thought is a single phrase, a phrase that whispers of hope and speaks of dreams.

I am the Savior.


End file.
